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Everyone knows I love Boulder and have since i first stepped foot in Colorado. It’s small town, it’s got a fun community and it’s got a lot of nature–all things I wanted from my future home when I was pondering where I would move to while in Europe. There are many journal entries where I talk in detail about what I want when I returned, where I could see myself, what was the most important aspects of the places I was finding happiness in there.  One common theme throughout all of my research was the feeling of community and nature, both of which I seemed to have found in abundance here in Boulder.

One thing I wasn’t expecting though was to find me missing living in a city.

I have been down to Denver a couple times in the past couple weeks and every time the bus pulls into the station, I find myself looking up at the tall buildings and missing them. I guess it’s silly to think that after six years of living in the concrete jungle of New York that suddenly I’d become a small town girl. That I would be countrified. That side of me is having a good, hard laugh right now.

That’s not to say I’m going anywhere anytime too soon but one thing I do know: a move to Denver is in my future. I love Boulder, I really do. It’s beautiful and I love having the mountains right in my backyard and having easy access to all these trails. However, the longer I’m out here and the more times I get down into Denver, the more I want to live in a city again.

I never thought I’d say that I miss living in a city. After moving out of NYC, I thought I was done with them (unless I suddenly got offered a job in Paris. Adore that city.) and wouldn’t be so eager to get back into one. Granted, Denver is not THAT big of a city, but in my heart I know Denver is more my pace. I’m also realizing that in order for me to do what I want to do, Interior Design, means I’m going to have to be in Denver (or commute down there).

I love the neighborhoods, I love the accessibility of everything, how I can walk everywhere. I love the hustle and bustle and how quiet it gets at night. I haven’t explored Denver nearly as much as I’d like to and hopefully will get to do that more this fall. That way I will know for sure if a move downtown is the right move for me. Remember, I came to Boulder without ever having stepped foot in Colorado. It worked out wonderfully but not everywhere is going to be the perfect fit. While I love Boulder and will be happy living here for however much longer I’ll be here, I can’t say that I always feel like I fit in here.

I have no plans as of right now to vacate Boulder, not for a while yet. My job is right down the street from me and I am currently doing projects around the condo right now. I have friends here and I’m still getting acquainted with this town. I’m not making plans, I’m not setting anything in stone. If it happens, it happens. Maybe I will change my mind. This also is something that is not new, despite my not talking about it before now. I have had the itch to move, I just didn’t know why. It’s only more recently that I’ve discovered what I think is the real reason. That I miss city living.

I guess you can take the girl out of the city but can’t take the city out of the girl.

I’m not going to lie, I was a little terrified when I walked into the gym the next morning for the session. You see, New York Sports Club, my gym in the city, offered these free training sessions as well. I also took them up on that offer because no one likes free better than I do. I didn’t know what to expect but apparently that personal trainer had a vendetta out against me because he put me through hell. Half way through the session and I thought I was going to die. There were things that involved a ball being passed over my head and jumping on things and over things and ohmygodIwantedtodie. I hadn’t even gotten to the part where he had me run as fast as I could on the elliptical and then had me on the stairmaster and HOLYHELLJUSTENDALREADY.

I left barely being able to walk, with a gallon of sweat caked onto my forehead and muscles that screamed for days. I vowed never to allow that personal trainer near me again and I managed to steer very well clear of him from then on. We won’t mention the weight training classes that I took with the boot camp instructor.

So when I walked in the door of my gym, I was expecting an experience similar to what I’d gone through in NY and was a little apprehensive. OK apprehensive just doesn’t describe it. I was terrified. I even told the personal trainer who met with me that I was abused the last time I had one of these sessions and wasn’t looking forward to another beating like that one. He assured me it would not kill me.

Surprisingly, it was pretty good. I did not die, I was a little sore and a little annoyed that they were trying to sell me more packages (duh, Ashley. Of course they’re going to try to sell you training sessions!) Of course it also helped that the trainer (and just about everyone that works there) is extremely good looking.

Tonight I’m heading to the gym with Renee for a combination weight training/step class. I have no idea what I’m getting into, I’ve just been warned that I need to bring water and that I’m going to sweat buckets. “But I’m going to have a lot of fun!”

Personally, I’ve never had fun at a gym. Fun and gym don’t even belong in the same sentence, let alone paragraph. Maybe that’s something I need to change to get me to go there more often. I need to introduce some fun into working out.

How does one go about doing that? If you’ve managed to discover that secret, please share it with me!

In case you missed my vlog on self image, you can check it out below.

I was in the Super Target just south of Boulder the other day grabbing some milk and checking out the clearance jewelry. I rarely go to this Target since there is one just down the street from me but with the college students just moving back into town, I’ve been avoiding the local Target lik the plague. I made the mistake of going in there once last week and I immediately turned around at the sight of the hoards and hoards of freshmen clutching bright pink body pillows.

Despite my deer in headlights facade when dealing with the arrival of all the college students back into Boulder, being in Super Target surrounded by a few fresh-fraced college students and passing by the campus seeing the students moving into the dorms, made me get a little nostalgic for my days of college. Not the FIT days of college–I will never get nostalgic about that place, but about Michigan State.

I used to love going back to school shopping with my mom. It meant I got to pick out new items for my dorm room, new school supplies (yes I’m the dork that always got excited about new pens and notebooks) and best of all, new fall clothes.

Then there was move in day. The first day at a new college (which I repeated, oh, three times) was always a little nerve-wracking but always exciting. You’d leave your doors open so that people could come stop by and say hello, and they would. You’d meet your new roommate and in my case, discover that she was horrible. The best was moving back in after the holidays or second year (if you indeed HAD a second year at the same college. My only return years in the dorms were once at MSU and once at FIT) and running into your friends in the hallways and the epic catch up sessions you would have before classes started.

I miss that. I miss college. I’ve never been nostalgic for it before but suddenly I find myself in a college town and I’m remembering. It’s a dangerous thing, this remembering business. I miss the drunken nights in the dorms with all our friends that lived on that same floor. The walks we took in the freezing cold, wearing our scarves on our heads to entertain ourselves. When spring came and it suddenly was gorgeous outside. (MSU’s campus is for the most part, wasted on it’s students. It’s beautiful in the summer but winter? Yeah, not so much.) The beach volleyball games, the football, hockey and basketball seasons. Those were some really fun times.

And then I remember the 8am math class that I had all the way across campus in the dead of Michigan winter. The all nighters I pulled at the end of every project that resulted in me falling asleep on the keyboard. The times I cried in a bathroom over AutoCAD. Then I’m not so nostalgic anymore. Then I’m not really missing college anymore. I’m thankful that I can leave my work at work and not have hours and hours of homework and projects to finish.

Although I will never forget the day that Steph and I were studying for a Human Sexuality course and in order to help us study, drew the female and male anatomy with detailed descriptions up on the white board in the study lounge of our dorm. What can I say, we were young. Not that much has changed…

Today I walked two dogs that belong to a friend of mine through a park. I loved watching all the kids get excited and want to pet them, loved the conversations struck up by little old ladies who thought they were the cutest things. I then found a dog I want to adopt so badly but cannot.

The cute. It hurts.

Today I went to the post office and didn’t have to stand in line to mail a letter to my brother in Fiji. The envelope carries a small memory card for him to record videos of where he’s living. Be expecting those up on the blog, if he ever does it.

Today I did some laundry and read blogs in my google reader. I cleaned a little and relaxed. I bought a little notebook to write my To Do lists on and already I feel more organized.

Today I had a day off and it was wonderfully productive and relaxing. I have another day off tomorrow which makes it even sweeter. The best part is that I got a lot accomplished and am working on bettering my life one thing at a time. I want a routine, I want organization, I want exercise and I want to not be plugged in all the time.

I’ve been longing for a vacation for the past week, especially since I have four days off in a row right around Labor Day. It is rare that I have that much time off and all I can think about is getting away from Boulder, even if it’s just out into the mountains camping. I haven’t figured out how to make this happen, where to go or what to do. I would love to sit in a little cabin on a lake and just read all weekend; just relax and unwind and enjoy nature and being unplugged.

You’d think I’d have enough time to be disconnected here in Boulder where I am surrounded by all this natural beauty but my computer connection is never too far away and my phone is always on. My desire to have a few days away from Boulder, completely immersed in nature is strong and only growing stronger. I’m not sure when I’m going to have this same amount of time blocked out for me again with my job the way it is and I’m scrambling to come up with a plan.

Tomorrow I have a training session at my new gym at 10 am and then I have the entire day in front of me to do what I want and I plan on spending as little of it as I can in front of a computer. We will see how successful I can be at that. I have plans to go for drinks down in Denver and then to an event hosted by Xbox which I’m sure I will be talking about in the next few days.

What did you do today?

Basically, I need hobbies.

Then a friend of mine suggests joining her and a few other of my friends in Atlanta over labor day weekend, coinciding with the lovely five days I have off. Now wouldn’t that be perfect? A little get away to a city I haven’t seen since I moved away fourteen years ago with three girls I adore. Except that costs money. Money I do not have. While the tickets are cheap, I still can’t afford them.

I miss being spontaneous. Part of me thinks it’d be worth it to just go but the practical part of me knows it’s not possible. As much as it pains me to admit that. So it’s time to start planning that camping trip to the mountains Sept 4-6th..ish. Who’s with me?

In other news, my track record with vlogging every day failed last yesterday. I was in a fabulously horrendous mood when I got home and while I had started a vlog that morning, I just couldn’t bring myself to finish it because it would involve…well…me being a whole lot of bitch on camera. Luckily some Twisted Pine Raspberry Wheat beer, a ton of dips and girl talk for #PotluckSunday helped cure my bad mood.

Unfortunately it still left me dead tired so a vlog just didn’t happen and I couldn’t justify a video of the Eiffel Tower’s light show in replacement for a vlog that’s supposed to be about “A Day in the Life.” Just didn’t seem to fit whereas my video montage of Morocco was justifiable because I was technically outside in all of them.

Today I am getting some much needed exercise while walking a friend’s two dogs, doing a few vlogs and catching up on my me time, something that has been sorely missing from my life right now. It is so very very welcome right now. Yesterday, as I was going through my little meltdown, I almost just jumped in my car and headed up into the mountains to sit by myself in the woods. Maybe it would have done me a lot of good. Maybe I would have hit someone with my car and yelled profanities out the window at them. Both are totally plausible outcomes but only one of them would have helped me feel better.

OK that’s a lie. Both of them probably would have made me feel awesome but one of them would have resulted in me behind bars. Orange is not a good color on me.

Have a very happy monday everyone!

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Looking over pictures to put in my vlog for today made me so travel-sick (opposite of homesick I guess?), it was such a fun trip. I lost all my inhibitions, lost all my insecurities and just lived. It was all so spur of the moment and there was always someone new and exciting to talk to.

Sometimes I get a little caught up in nostalgia and thinking about the past. I’m allowing myself today to dillydally in the streets of my memories of Europe for today and then tomorrow, I will look forward to my next great adventure, whether that be here in Boulder, here in Colorado or deep in the South Pacific.

Enjoy my little photo montage on my Vlog today! I have included a post from This? Is Not the Life I Ordered below from about two weeks into my trip. Please excuse the spelling, German keyboards were painful to use. (I would edit it but it would lose it’s authenticity )

All the Have Dones and Will Do’s

August 28, 2009

I can’t believe its been two weeks since I’ve left NYC. It still hasn’t sunk in that Iäm on this big, extended vacation; a vacation that is constantly evolving. I spent a glorious two days in Munich, where I had beer and sausage with a German Count, strolled the gardens of Schloss Nymphenburg for hours, drank a liter of beer with a guy from the US and had a free ‘baby beer’ at midnight with everyone from my room in the hostel I was staying at.

Freiburg is a pretty city, its old town charming and full of history. I’m also under the firm belief it is built on water since it sprouts up EVERYWHERE, including alongside the roads in what was once the old sewer system. I’ve wandered through outdoor markets, climbed a mountain to eat on top of it and have taken the trains around the the different towns in the area. I’ve hiked around numerous lakes, eaten a lot of sausage, drank a lot of beer and have even cooked for myself in my brother’s kitchen.

I’ve been euphirically happy for the majority of the time yet have felt rather lonely too and had a day where I was pretty depressed. As I write, I’m freaking out about money. I have had time to really think, to reflect and wonder about the many questions going on in my head.

I make last minute travel decisions; I went to Switzerland on a couple days notice and spent two nights in the magical Lucerne, which I promptly fell in love with when I gazed out at the lake from my balcony at my hostel. I wandered the entire town multiple times over, I defied my fear of heights by climbing to the top of an old tower and terrifying myself in the process (I’m talking sweat dripping, legs shaking for 15 minutes kind of terrifying). I walked across wooden bridges, saw a lion carved out of rock and an african band performing at a city-wide festival.

There is so much I have done and have yet to do and one thing that is constant: I hate European keyboards. Hence why I have not written yet and may not for a while still. Despite the keyboards, I love it here and am much happier than I have been in a long time. I’m currently in the midst of changing all my plans for this trip; what once included the UK and Ireland is now being changed up with Norway taking more precedence and Ireland possibly getting the boot in preference to Southern Spain.

But that could all change. I am open for adventure and I cannot wait to see what this wild and crazy trip has in store for me!

Saturday night was #WineToReach, a twitter party hosted by the lovely Ashley. I never have participated due to timing but last night I made sure I was around to join in on the party. I’m so glad I did. I started the night by drinking beer and videotaping myself kitchen dancing to some Lady Gaga. If you haven’t seen the video of me embarrassing myself I strongly recommend seeing it.

Then I started drinking more beer and video chatting on TokBox. The vid chat that started with three or four bloggers suddenly morphed into Doni and Chelsea sitting on my couch with champagne video chatting with FIFTEEN other bloggers. It was absolute madness and oh so very much fun, especially when Doni pulled out her computer and we sat side by side, taking turns leaning into each others screens.

Maybe that only entertained us but we were having a blast. We also watched the Labyrinth, Neverending Story and Robin Hood: Men In Tights. I wish there was a video recording of Chelsea and I dancing along to the main song while Doni lay passed out on the floor. A few bloggers did get to witness this though so not all was lost.

I got so drunk and had so so so much fun. I cannot wait til the next #WineToReach and if you haven’t participated in one? You have to next time. I hope video chatting is here to stay!!

So for the past few weeks I’ve been feeling like I’ve been coming down with something. I feel okay but I can tell something is off with my body. I’m constantly tired, I get aches and pains for no particular reason and sometimes I get a sore throat. Then this morning, at around 4am, I woke up, went to use the bathroom and suddenly started feeling not so well. First I thought it was the mass quantities of champagne I had consumed (and was not even feeling anymore) but then I developed the sweats, the kind where I’m freezing cold but have water POURING down my face. I knew something was wrong and as I stood at the sink I started feeling like I was going to face plant it into the sink. I somehow got out of the bathroom before gripping the wall and somehow ending up on the floor.

After lying there for a while in the middle of the hallway, I finally started feeling better but have been lightheaded all day. Maybe it was dehydration, maybe it was the alcohol, but I’ve NEVER fainted before. EVER. It was the weirdest, scariest moment of my life. I feel like my body is screaming at me to pay attention and get it checked out because something is wrong with it. I hate not having health insurance. I think tomorrow I will check out a Walgreens clinic (Thank you twitter friends to helping me!) to see if they can figure out what is going on with my body and why it’s reacting the way it is. Hopefully fixing it too!

DESPITE the body ailments and work, I had such a fun time with #WineToReach and cannot wait to participate again! Tabitha has mentioned that she will be visiting Boulder soon (squee!!) and I know we are planning a little special Vlog for everyone but I think we should also participate in WineToReach too. Party in my living room!

I think I need to thank VEDA and vlogging for it appears it has helped save my blog. I suddenly have found a way to incorporate and talk about my personal life again. I have fallen in love with vlogging and am so addicted to it that I have no idea what I’m going to do come September (I will definitely still vlog, just maybe once or twice a week instead!) but one little side effect of vlogging is that I’ve remembered how to BLOG again. Who knew that would happen?!

For now, you can watch me talk about drinking (and kitchen dance) and about my worst hangover from my trip last fall while I go read this email about 12 things I NEED to know about my vagina. What would I do without Women’s Health?

Day 14–Favorite Drink:

Day 15–Hangover in Spanish

He’s the complete opposite of me, a reason why we’re not terribly close. It’s not like we have a bad relationship but it’s hard when you have a very introverted, serious person like my brother and then me, who’s much more outgoing and bubbly. My mom can’t even wrap her head around the fact that she gave birth to two totally different personalities, a fact she often ponders over out loud. My brother and I like many of the same things though: nature, travel, animals, and being environmentally friendly.

He went to school for Environmental Science and works in conservation with the Peace Corps in Fiji. He applied for the PC about a year before he got accepted; originally he was supposed to go to Armenia and I bought him a Lonely Planet guide for him for christmas. He was really excited to go, he’s the type of person who wants to see war-torn countries and doesn’t want to see the tourist traps. He spent 2 months in Turkey and Georgia right after Georgia had the war.  (I think it was only a few weeks after. I’m amazed my mother lived through this adventure considering she was convinced I was going to get raped and killed in GERMANY.)

A few days before he was due to find out where he was being stationed (he had been told Armenia from the get-go. He’s got a rare blood disorder that has him immune to Malaria. Not such a bad thing but the PC requires you take the malaria tablets and THAT could kill him. Being that he was immune, it was really hard to place him.), he got a call asking how he felt about a change in location and how well could he swim? We all started guessing which island he could end up on in the pacific. Turns out it was Fiji.

He lives on a small island in the most beautiful part of the country off the west coast of the main island. The island has 66 people on it and he’s the only PCV stationed there. It suits him, some people would want to have other people around them. He does not. He was actually hoping and praying he did not get put in the main city that a lot of the PCVs were going to be stationed at in Fiji.

He may be introverted but he has the best luck and always manages to befriend the most interesting people. He hitchhikes a lot and he has several interesting stories from his time spent thumbing it across various European countries, as well as here in the US. One such story was from the time he was in Ireland and was trying to make it to this one city to catch a ferry to England the next day. This little old lady picked him up and they started talking; turned out she was German and my brother speaks German fluently (he did live there for a year and minored in German!). When she discovered this she was so happy that she brought him home to her family, made him an enormous meal and insisted he stay the night. The next morning she drove him to his ferry.

This has happened SO many times. He was taken back to this wealthy Turkish man’s home and they got drunk off of homemade vodka; he wound up in Moab, Utah camping with a Swedish couple and getting drunk off Polygamy Porter; he somehow wound up driving a woman all the way from Wyoming to Seattle in her car after she had passed him three times in two different states.

For someone as tall as he is, he certainly has luck hitchhiking. Especially with little old ladies. I only did it with him once, in Italy and it was an interesting experience, to say the least!

He also has the best judge of character of anyone I know. If he doesn’t like someone, it’s for a very good reason. He will talk to anyone though and while he prefers being alone in the middle of nowhere, if we happen to be sharing a train cabin with a racist Czech man (which yes, we did find ourselves in that position) he has no problem having a heated debate with him where I feel like we might die. He’s extremely opinionated and stubborn (a trait we both share–we’re Italian, Irish and German. Three of the most stubborn, alcoholic nationalities out there!) and it can drive me crazy.

Traveling with him is good in small doses. I can handle ten days. After that? It’s downhill. We were together for three weeks at the beginning of my trip. First ten days were fine. By the time we reached Hamburg we were ready to murder each other. It started around the time when we went to Schwerrin and he lost me because he was walking so far ahead of me (something that comes with having really long legs) and I just stopped and waited for him to realize that I was no longer behind him. It then escalated to a full on screaming match while waiting for a ferry to Denmark. In a way, it was good that we were so fed up with each other because by the time it came down to us departing on our seperate trips, I didn’t have time to worry about traveling alone. I was so ready to go solo that I relished my freedom when he stepped on his train to the west coast.  And then I freaked out.

For the most part though, we get along. We can take walks through the woods and not say anything to each other and be perfectly fine with that. He came to visit me shortly before he took off for Fiji and we had a few very nice days of hiking, exploring and going to baseball games, much like we used to do when we were younger.

I’m not really sure how I’m going to live with him for about a month when I go to Fiji. I probably will not be with him the entire time but for the majority of my month spent there, I will probably be with him. We may kill each other. Or we may be fine. Who knows.

He may have stole all my height, as well as my ability to learn languages (he knows three other than English–four now that he’s in Fiji) and the ability to retain useless knowledge (he knows every state and world capital, as well as every car brand by sight) but he’s my little brother and I can’t hold that against him too much. If you didn’t see my video from yesterday, watch it here!

There is something special about August 13th for me. Or at least August 14th. Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of my last day at my horrible, no good, really bad job. It was on this day that my coworkers popped open a couple bottles of champagne to wish me a farewell and gave me an adorable keychain with pictures of everyone in the office as well as pictures of the surrounding NYC neighborhood that we would often frequent over the year and a half I worked there.

A few days after that, I left for Europe. This has been an amazing year, an incredible journey. One that I’ll never forget and would never trade in a million years. The credit card debt that I find myself in is pennies compared to the experiences I had. I would do it all over again, exactly the way I did it if given the chance. (And what I wouldn’t give to go on that trip again!)

So how fitting is it that Eat Pray Love comes out in theaters on the one year anniversary of me leaving my job, leaving New York and going on my own self discovery trip to Europe?

It’s PERFECT I tell you. Perfect.

I’m going to have to come up with something super special for August 17th, the day I officially left for Europe. Suggestions are welcome!

Today I vlogged about my only sibling, my younger brother Conor, who currently lives in Fiji. I kind of ramble on a tiny bit in the video but it’s to him that I owe this anniversary to. He was the one who gave me the idea for this solo trip. He was the one who initially got my brain moving in that direction.

So thank you, Conor.