Do you ever feel like you have nothing to talk about? I’m sitting here, bursting at the seams wanting to write about something, anything, but nothing is coming out. I feel like when I do write, it’s very repetitive and I have nothing new to add to this space. It doesn’t really make sense to me because my life is great! I should have a lot to talk about! Things like rainbows and unicorns and unicorns pooping rainbows but…what do I write about?
I think it all winds down to expectations. I have been blamed in the past for setting them too far in all areas of my life. For guys I date (which winds to feeling like I’m being needy or clingy), for friendships (which has lead to disappointments), for my career (which has lead to feeling bored), and for myself in general. Then there’s this blog. This is my space, I know that I should not be writing for anyone else but me. However, I can’t help but feel the pressure–that only I place on myself–to write something that people will want to read, will respond to and will relate to. I constantly compare my blog to other people’s blogs, people who are much more devoted than I to creating content and making a life out of it. While it sounds nice, being able to make money off of blogging, it’s never been something I have strived for. It’s not something I want. So why do I want to be like them?
How do I get myself past that barrier that I’ve placed in my own way?
Of course this is all rhetorical. Like, why, when food falls, it always falls peanut butter side face down?
I have struggled with this space ever since I turned from anonymous to not. I don’t know why, I’ve written about it a few times before but when it comes to getting personal, to really putting myself out there, I hit a glass wall. One I cannot seem to break through. Three years is a long time to struggle with this and I’m wondering at what point I stop struggling and just put it to rest?
And sometimes when you’re in the middle of writing something, you realize oh, yeah, you just don’t like being vulnerable in real life. Really, really don’t like. Maybe that’s why you struggle with getting real on this blog, Ashalah. Maybe you should work on that first.
If you’ve encountered this in blogging, and have gotten through (or maybe haven’t), what did you do?