posted by on Life


It’s ironic that I am writing this post while watching The Bachelor. You know, that show where women throw themselves at one guy, the same guy, and never really expect it to be THAT HARD. Also? Cassandra, who is currently on the one on one date with Juan Pablo, has not been on a date since she was 18, which was three years ago, which she’s told us about a million times tonight.


This post is surprisingly not about The Bachelor, but about the fact that, for the first time in about seven years, I have quit online dating. Three weeks ago I deleted my two free online accounts.

I wish I could say it was because I have met someone but sadly, or maybe not so sadly, I haven’t. I haven’t met anyone–and that is why I am not online dating anymore. It hasn’t worked for me, I’m not finding what I’m looking for and honestly, I have become bored with it all. This could not care less attitude has also prompted me to quit. I should be excited, I should get the butterflies and get nervous and look forward to dates. Not sigh heavily and wish that I could just go sit on my sofa and read a book (or watch the Bachelor) because the thought of going on a date bores me…almost annoys me. I have been out with so many very nice, friendly guys who I get along great with but have no chemistry or we’re not interested in the other or there’s no attraction or they’re available and super nice and I’m attracted but he’s available and super nice and that equates to my automatic disinterest.

It’s almost a given that if a guy is unavailable in even the slightest way that I will be much more interested. Something is very wrong with this and I have to break that habit. Break that habit before I date again. So I’m taking a break.

You know what? I haven’t missed it at all. Do I want a relationship? Yes. But I’m having a blast being single right now! I’ve changed a lot of things about my identity in the past couple years–I’m a runner now who does half marathons and has a disgusting bloody toe and gets excited about PRs; I am a football fan (BRONCOS ARE SUPER BOWL BOUND BABYY!!); I hike and snowshoe and drive up I-70 to go skiing. I listen to podcasts by Alton Brown and Radiolab and Ira Glass, take myself to the movies and buy single tickets to concerts I want to go to. I’m poking and prodding life trying to discover what I like, who I want to be and what I really want. It’s a process, let me tell ya.

Everyone has been commenting on how happy I seem lately, though, and I would have to agree with them. Life is good and I’m starting to come to terms that being single is okay, that I don’t have to constantly be on this quest to find love–even if I do still want it. Part of me is all but you’re not putting yourself out there! HOW WILL YOU FIND IT IF YOU’RE NOT OUT THERE?

I kind of want to smack that side of me. Being single is not only okay but it’s great! Right now, it’s what I need to be.

I’m happy. That’s all that matters. I’m going to go finish watching the drama fest on my TV (and be glad there’s none in my life!) and sign up for my fourth half marathon in August.

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  • TJ

    I deleted my free profiles as well. I still keep the paid account active, because, but I rarely log in and uninstalled the phone app. I am going to a Speed Dating thing soon just for the experience and to see what THAT’S like (my sister said that the one she went to was really bad). – but I have no intention of actually pursuing someone from it (which I guess means I just might…)

  • Sweeney

    Good for you for focusing on yourself for a while. Maintaining/exploring this awesome place you’re at with yourself is probably an essential precursor to being able to be in a good, healthy relationship anyway.

    I don’t know things about relationships, but this seems like a solid bet.

    Regardless, YOU DO YOU, GIRL.

  • suki

    I want to snowshoe! :-) Good for you for embracing your life and just enjoying it!

  • Jessica Lawlor

    Amen, Ash! Beautifully written and honest post.

    I haven’t quit online dating, but I have many of the same feelings as you. Date after date with nice guy after nice guy with zero spark. It’s exhausting and after each one, I wish I would have just stayed home in my PJs.

    It’s awesome to hear how happy you are! Everyone always says that once you’re completely content with who you are and your life alone, the right person will come along. It’s one of those things I hate when people say to me, but let’s see if that holds true for either of us :)

  • nuttycow

    Good work! I’ve just started online dating again and, so far, I’m more amused by it than anything else. However, when it gets to the point that I’m bored, and I’m not having fun anymore, I think I’ll probably just quit too.

    Best of luck with your next half – I’m stupidly envious of anyone who can do them. I’ve done my first 10k however, and I plan to do more!

  • San

    I never had to do it (online dating), thank god… but I can imagine that I’d have to take a break after a while. Being happy just by oneself can be a rewarding experience, no?