I know I want to create something.
My creative juices (which have been in hiding for the majority of the past three years) started flowing about a week ago and haven’t simmered down since. I bought canvas, I’ve taken home countless paint samples, hmmed and hawed and posted to Instagram and Twitter and Facebook. I have stood staring at the canvases, willing them to tell me what they wanted to be. I’ve sent pictures to my friends and family. I’ve taken a untouched-for-a-year sketchbook and played with ideas.
For someone who used to be so creative and painted all the time, this is frustrating for me. I’ve written about (or maybe I’ve just tweeted?) the disappearing act my creativity has performed since I moved out of NYC. It will come in fits and bursts and I’ll refinish my dining room table or turn a mirror into a chalkboard. But sat down at a blank canvas and created something entirely from scratch? Once. I gave up on it and it’s sat abandoned in the corner of my dining room for almost a year.
At first I thought I would put just blocks of color, nothing else, behind my sofa. I have these really high ceilings and while the pictures that I put up above my sofa are nice, they’ve never really…fit. I’ve always dreamed of putting huge canvas to take up wall space but never knew quite what they’d look like.
Then I moved away from solid blocks of color. Suddenly I was going to stencil them! Wouldn’t that be fun! Then I grappled with colors. Do I want to introduce yellow? Maybe green? How about two shades of the same color? Two different colors? What pattern would I put up? Do I want geometric or organic? Should I even put TWO canvases up? Maybe just one? And then I spin back to WHAT COLOR?
My brain is going to explode.
I used to be really good at making decisions! Hell, I still am–for other people. I can design other people’s apartments and know EXACTLY what should go where, etc. While I’ve always been pretty bad at making design decisions for myself, I’ve reached an all time high. I mean, instead of figuring out my painting conundrum, I’m writing a blog post. I haven’t felt like writing in almost four months. FOUR MONTHS. That’s a long time and I was a little sad not to be blogging but there was…nothing.
It’s not like I don’t have anything to talk about–I’m learning how to golf; I’m hiking every weekend and seeing fun new places, having lots of adventures; I’m learning how to brew beer and I’m training for a half marathon (two, actually). To actually find the words to talk about them? Well, they weren’t there. Still really aren’t.
Let’s be honest, this post is just a method for me to procrastinate deciding what to do with my artwork above my living room sofa. The sofa I’m currently sitting on, back to the canvases, ignoring them. I’ve pulled out my design magazines (which I haven’t actually read before today, but we won’t go there) and have been thumbing through them, hoping inspiration will strike and I will be YES, THIS IS WHAT I MUST DO!
I know whatever I do, it will look great. I’m not going to be creating any landscapes so my need for perfectionism won’t come into play and I won’t wind up throwing the canvases out the window. So why is this so hard?
If I think about it too much more there is a very good chance I will just abandon the project completely, let my creativity go back into hiding and be a little disappointed that I never did anything with them.
I guess I could just leave them blank and put them up. That would be a statement.
Although someone would probably blame me for copyright infringement, because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that done at MoMA.