It’s no secret that I’ve been on a lot of dates. A lot of dates with a lot of different guys that have not gone anywhere. Some people have called me a dating expert and often ask my advice in that realm, something I think they’re a fool to do since if I were an expert, wouldn’t I have found someone by now?
The more and more dates I go on, the more picky, the more nit-picky, I become. He talked too much about himself and never asked me questions, next. He talked about his ex too much, next. He asked me about my exes too much, NEXT. The whole process feels like an interview half the time and I leave feeling frustrated, while the guy thinks he has an awesome chance and starts pursuing me even harder. There’s the rare occasion where I have a connection with someone, the conversation flows and it feels more natural. Unfortunately I go on a lot more dates where I feel like the biggest bitch in the world because I’m finding all the little things to tear them apart over in my head. I’m sure they’re perfectly nice guys but I’ve been in the game too long.
Most questions I don’t mind. After all, I’m a blogger and therefore I’m narcissistic, but the one question I hate, more than anything else, is So why are you single? It strikes me as such an odd question, almost insulting. I know it is not meant as such, that I should take it as a compliment since it’s most likely phrased What’s an amazing girl like you doing single? but please tell me: how am I supposed to answer that? I am happy being single sounds like such a cop out–and kind of defeats the purpose of dating. You are dating because you are single and you no longer want to be. (Or in some cases, you just want sex and in my opinion, you should not be on dating sites. Or if you are, make it very clear your intentions.) But why am I single? I don’t know, because something’s wrong with me? HOW DO YOU ANSWER THAT? (Pssst side note: Go read Eleni’s beautiful post here, a kind of it’s you, not me battle cry for those of us singletons)
It’s probably the worst question to ask on a date. That and let’s talk about our past relationships! I think the past needs to be discussed at some point but not on the first, or second or even third dates. You’ll either wind up sounding like you’re not over your ex or you’ll just be reminded of how much better your first date went with your ex, especially when that ex texts you mid-date and reminds you of the chemistry between the two of you and how natural it always has been and you’re now on a date that feels forced and you half expect the guy to completely swoon in the next few minutes.
No, this did not happen on a recent date. OK so maybe it did. And maybe I’m left perplexed and frustrated and am taking it out on this blog post. It wasn’t a bad date, far from it, he was a very nice guy, but I wasn’t into it. I was making a half-assed attempt at enjoying it and I’m pretty sure my facade was plenty see through. I just wasn’t having fun.
What it comes down to is that yes, I’m a serial dater. It was fun while in New York where it was the norm, but now that all my friends are paired up and I’m older and just over this whole game, it’s exhausting. I took a break three months ago because the thought of going out with someone, trying to impress them and telling my life story over. and over. and over again was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. The thought of it made me want to go take a nice, long nap. And I don’t nap.
I decided to put myself back in the game about a month ago, code for I put my profile back up on one of the free dating sites I’m on. I haven’t been on that many dates, to be honest, since I’ve been so busy with life but I wanted to get back out there. After all, I’m just horrible at being single. Then there’s that whole serial dater that I’ve been for the past…six years? (Yes, Ashley, it’s almost been that long since you walked out on a long term relationship that was headed fast and furiously towards marriage and kids and a domestic life I was in no way, shape or form prepared for.) It’s a hard habit to break.
So once again, I’m taking a step back. I’ve got enough on my plate as it is right now and when I responded to the WHY ARE YOU SINGLE question with I prefer to be single be being in a bad relationship, I was being truthful but what should have been added was I prefer being single to being in a bad relationship and/or going on dates that don’t mean anything. Back to square one.
Back to working out, going on friend adventures, exploring my creative side, traveling, and working on me. Because I don’t think I’m ready yet. How will I know I’m ready? Well, for starters, I won’t want to stab my own eyeballs out with a fork when asked a silly, harmless question like Why are you single?