Isn’t it ironic that when you take your computer to have it fixed for the week is the same week that you have the strong creative urges to write? And then as soon as you get said computer back on Friday the urge to write completely goes out the window? Such is my life.
That will explain why I have not been posting and why I have completely failed at VEDA. I have no idea what my excuse was this weekend but I decided watching Jane Austen movies, heading to a lake to lie in the sun, putting together my photobook (from a Groupon I bought 2 years ago that just expired yesterday…no I don’t leave things to the last minute. I don’t know what you’re talking about.) and spending my entire Sunday finishing the puzzle from hell was the way I wanted to spend my weekend. It was a perfectly lovely weekend, even if I felt a tad lonely by the end of it. Hard to be consistently happy about my single state when every single one of my friends is in a relationship and sometimes, it wears on me. That’s a whole other post for a whole other day, though.
So here I am on a Monday with a neck ache from sitting over that damn puzzle yesterday and not feeling like I really caught up on sleep. Let’s rewind. Last week I started the insomnia program at work, a therapist based program that, for the first two weeks, involves wearing a “watch” that monitors your every movement and senses light. I’m not sure exactly it’s purpose but I guess you can see your sleeping habits from it? Or in my case, my horrible sleeping habits? Either way, I have slept horrifically this week and feel like I’m on house arrest since my “watch” doesn’t have a face and does look a little bit like an ankle bracelet you’d wear on your wrist. I blame this last week on my hyperawareness of this watch and also my neighbors, roommate and wildlife for keeping me up.
I mean, who does laundry at 2am?
And about that wildlife…
I slept the worst I’d slept in a while on Tuesday night. I was probably up until 3am so I was determined to get some actual sleep on Wednesday. The Universe had other plans. I was just about to fall asleep around 11 when all of a sudden I heard what sounded like someone running up and then down my porch stairs before rummaging around in my backyard. I freaked the eff out. And proceeded to live tweet the event.
I thought well, maybe it’s my roommate. She often will come home late at night and put her bike in the backyard. Ok, maybe she’s only done that once. And she’s been out there a LONG time (probably two minutes at that point). So I texted her.
And by little bit, I meant A LOT A BIT. I’m talking heart pounding, mind racing as to what to do. My roommate was downtown still at work. So the only likely culprit had to be a murderer who was going to break into my apartment and kill me. Better go arm myself with some three pound weights and turn on ALL THE LIGHTS so he knows where to find me. I was in full blown panic mode and might have been hiding under the covers. Clearly, the murderer would never ever find me under a pile of blankets. And then I realized something.
Please excuse the grammar, I was under duress people. I cannot be expected to make sure my autocorrect gets it’s shit together and fixes my mistakes. But yes, it was a deer.
A goddamn mother effing deer. Probably the same deer who stands at open windows and stares at us. And that bastard ate all of my beautiful, big tomatoes that were hanging off the porch in the topsy turvey.
WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT? I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. I HEAR VENISON TASTES GOOD WITH TOMATOES.
(Ironically I encountered all those deer that same day while running. It’s not like I took off with their baby–which was very cute, by the way–I just snapped a picture. No need to come stalking me in the night.)
Despite having lived in New York City for six years with my fair share of guns, sketchy dark streets and running through Central Park at night, not to mention traveling and having a prank pulled on me, having my life threatened by a stranger and then stealing back my camera from a thief–and thinking I’ve got pretty thick skin because of it–I have one run in with some wildlife and I’M GOING TO DIE. I don’t think I need to mention that it was harmless wildlife. I wish it was a mountain lion or a bear so I didn’t look so ridiculous.
I really am such a city girl.