Tell me. When did it become okay to break up with someone via email? And also tell me this. Since when did it become okay to break up with someone via email while they were at work?
The last two guys I’ve dated both seem to find this not only acceptable, but the guy before this? Thought it was the most opportune time to torture me and bring up hard issues. He claimed it was because there were other people around to support me. Yeah, and there also were about 500 people I DIDN’T KNOW that I had to put on a happy face for around me. It is disrespectful, horrible timing and about the worst possible place you could throw something like this at me. Not to mention inconsiderate and extremely selfish. Makes things super easy for them–they don’t have to deal with a crying mess. Instead my manager and two coworkers have to. And some customers I may have scared by being a weepy mess.
This morning, right before a long 9 hour shift, I got an email from the guy I’ve been dating telling me how wonderful, how gorgeous, how fun I am, I even think he referred to how amazing I was–@$@$#%%^&@@$–but we had to end things. He wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t want to try for one at this point. I swear to…whatever higher power you want to believe in. If ONE MORE GUY tells me how wonderful I am and then follows it with a BUT I’M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP, I may start throwing heavy objects in their general direction. I know I’m fucking wonderful. But what makes me not relationship material?
If I were to write about all the times I have gotten the exact same speech from the guys I’ve dated, it could fit into a novel–make that a trilogy. This year especially has been a real doozy for my heart and while I’d like to not give up hope that maybe, maybe, there’s someone out there for me, I have to take myself out of the game. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that I am no longer dating, that I can’t take it any more and then I find myself dating someone new. However, I’ve officially reached my max capacity for heartbreak and I am handing in my uniform and walking off the field. My heart has not only thrown up like ten white “I Surrender!” flags, it’s started hitting me over the head with them and I’m taking note.
I am taking a man-aitus for an indefinite period of time. No dates, no online dating profiles, no nothing. Not even if the most beautiful man on earth walked up to me and asked me out. I know what you’re thinking, that I shouldn’t give this guy, or any of these guys, that much power over me to make me throw in the towel but I just can’t. I just can’t do it anymore. I really thought this last guy was something special, something different. It turned out he’s exactly like every single guy I’ve dated before. My judgement on guys clearly is lacking since the one before this was probably the worst relationship I’ve ever had and while this guy wasn’t nearly as bad, it still hurts pretty bad considering I thought I had finally found a good guy.
I’m taking time to heal, taking time for me and am going to try enjoying being single for a change. I always seem to be at my happiest when I am single so I’m giving this dating myself thing a shot, no matter how much I may want a relationship. And I expect all of you–I’m looking at you internets–to hold me to this.
Also, thinking of getting ten cats and just becoming the crazy old single cat lady. Sounds much more appealing than meeting someone new and starting this whole bullshit thing called dating all over again.
Updated to say a huge thank you to my friends who have reached out for me and to Clare who showed up with her boyfriend and a gingerbread latte at my job to make me feel better. Love you all.