Ashalah’s Guide to Solo Travel

One of my readers, Ashley, commented on a post the other day and asked me if I could write up a sort of guide to solo traveling. Miss Overthinker and I have been chatting about a solo trip she is about to take as well. While there are a lot of travel blogs out there who have given their advice, I figured I’d give my two cents here for my readers.

As most of you know, I traveled Europe for three months on my own last fall. I left August 17th and returned November 22nd. I had to make my own decisions. There was no one else that was going to make sure I ate dinner, that I got a place to stay, that I arrived safely to my destinations on time. It was only me.

It was terrifying. I remember standing in Copenhagen’s train station with my father and brother in front of the train they were about to catch to the west coast of Denmark. They were off to Iceland, I was off to Norway. All sorts of thoughts were running through my head, including the thought that maybe I’d just cancel my trip and go with them to Iceland. I didn’t know if I could travel by myself. I was having visions of a girl I met in Italy three years prior, who was crying in her bed saying it was so hard to travel by herself. That she hated it. What happens if I hated it?

My father took one look at me and knew just what was going through my mind. He took my shoulders and told me that I had to do this, that it was going to be awesome and that I would regret it forever if I got on this train, instead of the one that left at midnight for the north.

He was right.

If any of you are considering traveling solo, I highly recommend it. Actually, that’s an understatement. I think it’s a fabulous way to travel, especially when you’re trying to discover yourself or if you’ve been stuck in a rut, like I was. The following is advice I received from other people I met, and ones I learned along the way. Enjoy.

Pack light.

We’ll start with the part that begins before you even get on that plane. Read this article, it explains packing light so much better than I could. Just remember, keep it to one backpack and don’t fill that backpack up full. I had two bags and I hated every single second I had to deal with those two bags. The month I was without one of them? Was the happiest month of my travels.

Things are never going to go the way you planned.

Alright, so you’ve boarded that plane and you’re traveling! Yes, you’re traveling. Things will never go the way you plan because your life? Is now in someone else’s hands. You are going to miss flights, your train will be delayed, you won’t be able to get a reservation at any hostels, your debit card AND credit card numbers will be stolen and you’ll suddenly have no access to your money, it won’t stop raining. You name it, it will not go well. The best thing you can do? Is not stress about it. Take the laid back approach and understand that just because what you planned didn’t work, something will. I can’t tell you how many times I was stranded somewhere (like that very first day traveling solo and I found myself standing outside the ferry station that was supposed to be in Stavanger, but wasn’t. There were no buses, no taxis, no nothing to take me into town. When the girl I was talking to on the ferry realized my plight, she offered up her friend’s ride to get me into town. In fact, they dropped me off right at the door of the people I was staying with), or when I didn’t make hostel arrangements in time and had to stay an extra night in the town I was at instead of spending more time in another city. It always worked out. That night I had to stay extra in Bergen? I ended up staying up late chatting with two fascinating guys with very interesting stories. I wouldn’t have been able to hear these stories if I had not stayed that extra night. So don’t worry, things will work out. Sometimes, no scratch that, ALWAYS for the best!

Don’t be afraid to talk to strangers.

I can’t emphasize this one enough. Sure, you may be traveling by yourself to find yourself and have some good alone time. Trust me, you’ll have PLENTY of alone time. You are going to get lonely and while that’s okay too, don’t be afraid to reach out to others. I stayed in hostels for the majority of my travels, not because I just love staying in dorm style housing, but because of the environment. The backpacking community is amazing and surprisingly small-town. (I’d run into the same people randomly in different countries!( You will always find someone to talk to, whether that person is staying in the same room, or you meet them in the community room. You will always find someone else who’s traveling alone, who wants the companionship too. Don’t want to eat dinner by yourself? Announce that you’re planning on going out for tapas, who wants to join? And when someone else makes that announcement? Go along! You never know who you are going to meet. Just remember that these friendships are fleeting, they’re not forever. They will be your best friends for the night, but then you’ll part ways and you’ll find yourself some new best friends. Sometimes you do make lasting friendships, I have several people I keep in close contact with. Facebook is great for this!

The random, adorable Dutch guys I kept running into in Oslo

Keep an open mind.

This is so important. You are a visitor in someone else’s country. In someone else’s culture. Be respectful. You may not understand why the culture demands that women cover their hair, their faces, their entire bodies down to their feet but you must respect this. I was in Morocco for twelve days and for most of that time, I was in conservative little villages. I didn’t cover my hair but I made sure my shoulders were covered, that I wore leggings under my dresses that covered my knees, all because I knew this would make other people comfortable, including myself. This also applies to the people you meet. Remember when I couldn’t go to Oslo and I had to stay in Bergen one extra night? I started chatting up this young guy who was a busker. Who had lived on the street, who was essentially homeless. He was fascinating, he had such a lust for life that I haven’t seen matched in anyone. Would I have talked to him in a normal situation? Maybe not. (Although he was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid eyes on.) Just remember to keep an open mind, learn as much as you can about the culture and be respectful.

There is no such word as “should.”

My very first solo adventure was to Lucerne, Switzerland one weekend while I was staying with my brother in Freiburg. It was my first night in this hostel and I was rooming with two girls, one from Zurich, the other from San Fransisco. I was in a bad mood lingering from a frustrating morning spent in Basel where I spent way too much money to see a Van Gogh exhibit where I didn’t even see Starry Night. It was an exhibit I thought I should see while I was in town. I remember chatting with these girls and the SF girl, Lauren, gave me a tidbit of advice I never would forget and would from then on incorporate into my decision making. She told me there was no such word as should. Sure, you should see that museum while you are in town, but do you want to? If the answer is anything short of an enthusiastic yes, then you don’t have to do it. No one is going to yell at you if you don’t go see that museum, if you don’t go out to that party just because you’re tired. Being tired is a perfectly reasonable excuse. This is all about you, not anyone else. Do whatever makes YOU happy.

Keep a travel journal.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a handwritten record of my entire trip. I would have forgotten half of that stuff if I hadn’t wrote it down. Some days I was too busy to crack open the journal but it was the best way to end my day, to reflect on what I learned. I can’t tell you how many entries focus on the fact that I needed nature in my life, how happy I was totally surrounded by it. It’s great to look back and see how I grew, how much stronger and more sure of myself I became. And to read about all the fun escapades I had on a daily basis. Lauren, the same girl from that Lucerne hostel, also told me to make a list of questions for myself to answer when I got done with the trip. Questions to things that weren’t clear to me at that point in my life, things I wanted answers to. I was only a couple weeks into my trip and so I posed ten questions to myself and when I was done, on the plane ride home from London, I answered them. It’s amazing how much clearer a view I had on my life after those three months than I did when I first landed to Europe. Questions ranged from “Do I want to return to New York or move somewhere else?” to “Have you learned that you don’t always need to be doing something?”

Also, bring a glue stick. You’ll want to paste ticket stubs and other memorabilia into the pages.

Become a Yes Man.

Lauren was full of gems. She was just ending her 3 month trip and was eager to leave her inheritance of travel knowledge on someone and I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end while I sat across from her eating fondue. She did say that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, that should was no longer a word in your vocabulary but she also said that the word no should also be banished in certain situations. I experienced this on several occasions where I just said yes: yes to going to Amsterdam all spur of the moment, yes to tagging along to Morocco with a girl I had just met, yes to hiking out to an abandoned monastery in Granada with a bunch of young Canadian boys…all things that I didn’t have to do but were all amazing experiences. Someone you barely know suggests you join them on a part of their journey? Say yes! The one thing I regret? That I didn’t go to Lisbon with the adorable Australian guys who were leaving from Seville the next day for it. I would have loved to have seen Lisbon but I was so set on my plans, that I didn’t go. I said no. And I shouldn’t have! So, just say yes.

I never would have gotten a chance to ride camels in the Sahara if I hadn't said Yes to Morocco!

Listen to your intuition.

This is probably the most important piece of advice I can give you, especially if you are a lone, female traveler. I don’t care if you will be homeless that night, if your red flags are going off and you don’t feel safe, GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION. I’m going to tell you a story. I was in Barcelona and I had plans to couch surf with this British guy Dan. He ended up having to cancel last minute but recommended I stay with a friend of his and gave me a link to his profile. Had great reviews so I reached out to him and I was allowed to stay. We went salsa dancing, he made me a great meal, and he took me out for drinks. We wound up at this party with other couch surfers where we met up with Dan and my friend Russell, who I had been traveling with prior and had just met up with after a week of our seperate travels.

As the night went on, Dan got more and more drunk. He came over to me at one point, hits me on the arm and goes “You’re going to get raped tonight.” SAY WHAT? “Oh ha ha ha I’m joking! We wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Mind you, I was staying with three guys I didn’t know. He continued saying this to me as the night wore on and I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, despite his assuring me he was just joking. Russell overheard this and they get into it. To make a long story short, both Russell and I were threatened and my intuition was going off that I shouldn’t stay there. But it was 3am! Where else was I going to go?? Nothing was open, the hostels were booked solid. What was I going to do?

I wound up grabbing my bags and hitting the streets. Russell said that if I had to sleep on the streets that he would stay with me, but it was better than being with those guys. I ended up staying on the couch of the hostel I had stayed at the night before, despite them being booked solid they were nice enough to allow me to stay on the couch. ALWAYS trust your instincts. ALWAYS.

Before this becomes any longer, I will end my guide to solo traveling on that note. Anything you’d like to add, please do so in the comments!

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