Exactly 28 years ago today, a little fireball named Ashley was born in a Seattle hospital and that poor dog’s (and my parents’) life was changed forever. Unfortunate for my parents, I stuck around for 28 more years, whereas they had to give poor Jessie to a farm to live, as she grew too big for their small house and backyard. Plus, the dog liked to freak out neighbors with her sneaky trick of taking my pacifier, known later as Uma, out of my mouth, her jaws open wide. My parents thought it hysterical but I bet had this been 2010, instead of 1982, child services would have been called for abuse.
Anyway.
My mother likes to remind me that she was 28 when she had me. I tell her that is her own unfortunate mistake and that she shouldn’t be telling me this, as if I’m going to suddenly become pregnant just because I now am 28 years old and she suddenly wants grandchildren.
I would love to add a snarky response that goes along the lines of “Oh hey mom, so since you were pregnant at 28, I decided to go out on my birthday, get drunk, and have unprotected sex with random strangers in the hopes that I could get myself knocked up.”
I don’t think she’d appreciate that response.
Don’t worry, I don’t appreciate that response either. There will be no getting pregnant for me. ANYTIME SOON. Do you hear that mom??
She also reminds me often about how painful having me was. Also, not my fault she went au naturale. And another reason why I will NOT BE HAVING CHILDREN SOON.
Speaking of my mom, there she is! That is circa 1983, a little after the Great Perm Fiasco, 1. She unfortunately revisited that phase around the time my brother was born three years later. It was two very frightening stages of her life. Just imagine a large red afro. On my mother.
One unfortunate thing about my mother waiting for so long to have babies, was that I missed my father’s hippy days of long blonde hair. My father still IS a hippy, he does love that Mary J but all I got was his shorter, darker hair. I was probably pretty disappointed as a toddler.
OK so I didn’t look too disappointed in that photo. My father apparently can’t look at the camera, too worried about me falling overboard. Which, you know, I wouldn’t have been too surprised had I actually fallen off. That would be something I would do. The clumsiness started early. Before I started to crawl, I rolled. I would roll from room to room and one day, I rolled into the fireplace. They had to roll me to the Emergency Room, the only time I’ve ever had to go to the hospital for an injury–a cut on my lip that required a couple stitches. Go ten month old me!
I believe that picture up there was taken in Canada. I started my international travels early.
I want you to take a good look at this picture and tell me whats wrong with it.
It’s hard, I know. I can wait.
Haven’t figured it out yet?
It’s the vacuum. Does that look like something I enjoy doing?! There’s also several pictures of me washing dishes, doing laundry (or spreading it all over the living room, a little more appropriate) and other such domestic activities. Domesticity + Ashalah doesn’t really go together all that well.
I do look cute doing it though, don’t I?
I know, OHMYGOSH THE CUTE. I kid, I kid. Sort of.
You know what I’m jealous of? The ringlets my one year old self had. My hair doesn’t curl AT ALL but somehow I was born with ringlets. I also had the longest hair I’ve ever seen on most one year olds. OK Fine I was probably eighteen months in this picture. BUT STILL. I seriously had so much hair.
I also was the michelin baby when I was six months old. Luckily that didn’t last. Now if only my michelin stage currently would disappear…
This oddly is my first memory. (and pretty much the only one up until about the age of eight.) You know what I remember most? THAT CUPCAKE. Some things do follow you from childhood–clumsiness and love for chocolate covered cupcakes.
Notice how I sat at the table with the boys. Yet again something that followed me from childhood…I was such a whore-toddler.
Also, THE HAIR. I was just turning THREE.
Have I mentioned I like cats? Yeah so I LOVED them when I was little. And I didn’t discriminate at all, find me the mangiest one and IT WAS MINE. I often wonder what my mom was thinking. Do you SEE that cat?? It looks like it has RABIES. There’s an even better picture of me and this cat, probably taken minutes later. Unfortunately I couldn’t locate it. It’s me, coming at this cat under a chair, and the cat is like HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING AND WHY IS IT TRYING TO GET AT ME??
Just to remind you of how cute I was….
God, I’m so narcissistic.
Unfortunately I cannot show you pictures past the age of three. I reached an awkward phase that lasted a good 18 years and would prefer those pictures to never surface again.
So yeah, happy birthday to me! I’ve turned 28, am officially a member of the working crowd again and am now going to celebrate with a lot of tequila. (To dull the pain of old age….)
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Happy Birthday Ash x
Happy birthdaY! I love what you say about Michelin baby – I was one too!
Happy birthday!!! I looove the retro photos. Your dad had killer hair.
Happy birthday! I, too, will not be publishing any pictures between the ages of 8 and 20.
Happy birthday! Cute pics!
Happy Birthday!!!!
Happy Birthday dude! You’re a year and 8 days older than me!
May babies are the best! Tauruses UNITE! 
Also, let’s talk about how your birthday is on Stars Wars Day! May the 4th be with you!
Happy birthday…and congrats again on the job!
happy birthday hun…dying over the baby pics sooo cute!!!
hope you hve a wonderful day!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday (covering all the bases today with facebook and twitter and now your blog, haha)! Those pictures are adorable!
congrats on the job, and happy birthday to my birthday twin! xo
Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday! =)
These photos are SO cute! (And congrats again on the job, what a birthday present, hey?)
Happy birthday!!!
I think this is the third time I’m wishing you happy birthday! Happy birthday again!!
Adorable pictures!!
Happy Bday Ashley. Those pictures are so adorable
Happy birthday! Your pictures are seriously adorable!
I would love to know where the curls I had when I was a kid went as well! I had a ton of them and poof! they are gone
Happy birthday! Hope you have a lovely day!
Happy birthday!
so many fun pictures, love it all. hope you have a most fabulous birthday and drink lots and lots of tequilla, woo!
Happy Birthday Ash!
My Mum was 23 when she had me – she turned 24 when I was about 4 months old. Again that was 1986
Happy Birthday!!
Too cute!! I love ‘em!
Happy birthday! Love you! xoxox
1. happy birthday, darling.
2. I love your parent’s hair.
3. I had that exact same little yellow table in my grandparent’s house.
Happy belated birthday! ADORABLE vacuum pic and it made me laugh out loud
My mum was TWENTY TWO when she had me. Yikes!!
You were such an adorable kid! Happy (very belated!) birthday!
OH GOD, you were frickin’ adorable!! SO cute. Happy Birthday (er, a little late).
I know all about pressure to have kids. My family keeps saying how “ANYTIME AFTER THIRTY IS LIKE SIGNING YOUR OWN DEATH SENTENCE BIRTH DEFECTS HIGH RISK BLAH BLAH” and I’ve gotten to the point where I DO make sarcastic comments about unprotected sex.
Heee.